I'm extremely tired...a week of school has gone by yet it feels like a month... Today i pissed off Sarah who t one time was one of my very very good friends but now our friendship is so tattered that the remnants wouldn't even qualify her as a friend, maybe an acquaintance. If you had asked me in 8th grade which of my friends would i not even know in 2 years, she'd be 2nd to last but low and behold! All of the bottom 5 have alienated themselves from me or I from them! Nikki, Sarah, Bekka, Megan and Leigh. one by one gone.

I'm worn down from the play and Eastman and school work and the infernal voices of society and doubt and hate (the latter two residing conveniently in my own mind). I'm being masticated alive here and yet I'm silent, because my mind is yelling "coward" and "Weakling" and other insults which cascade in my mind like chinese fountain always renewing so that it may tear open my freshly healed scars. Over and over until I've completely bled myself to Death! And I, so proud, place a facade, and illusion oveer my bleeding body. Arrogant prideful, bitchy and always with sarcasm or criticism for the world around me. And soon I'll reach the last drop! no legacy, no children, and I'll be forgotten.

But even if i do survive. The chances I will procreate (regardless of if i want to or not) are next to no. No not only am I gay and therefore and unfit parent, I am also so copletely shielded that I have not one person who knows me.

And lo! another new scar, Betrayal! Oh how many scars can be explained by this one word alone? To many to count! But the newest addition to my vast collection is by a "friend" of mine, a sweet child but a compolsove liar. Entices me and excites with the lie that she would hook me up with one of here friends, however this will be har since he is almost certainly nonexistance.

But alas i leave you dear reader, though you are nonexistant like my would-be man...

Teague(forever)